Friday, August 26, 2005
After a few (well, not really) practice, I finally sound right when playing the guitar at school.

There is a guitar at our student lounge that everyone can use. I practice there every morning if I come to school early and if we don’t have any exam. Haha! However, I don’t practice there when there are some OTHER people. Nahihiya kasi ako. I know I’m not that good in playing the guitar, but at least, I’m learning.

I actually dunno when and why I suddenly got interested in playing the guitar. Siguro, dahil wala man lang akong alam tugtugin na instrument. Haay! I do hope that I’ll learn more stuff on guitars.

I really want a guitar, so that I’ll be able to practice and polish (haha!) my skills. But the thing is, my brother thinks that the guitar, if I am to have one, will just bother me with my studies. Wala na daw kasi akong oras masyado sa pag-aaral ko, mag-gigitara pa ko. Yeah! I guess he is right. I don’t have the time to practice much, the guitar might be a hindrance to my studies, and I have other stuff to think about such as the Student Council and my Sunday reviews for the NMAT. But, if I’ll have one, I’m gonna make sure that it’ll not ruin my study habits. Gagalawin ko lang naman un pag may oras ako, pag walang masyadong exam. Haay! Hope my brother can read this. Haha! The nice thing is, he already asked me to canvass on the price of an acoustic guitar. However, I told him that I’ll look for a guitar during my sembreak. Feeling ko kasi, baka nga hindi ko siya masyadong gamitin during the sem.

Sembreak is just a month and a few days to go. After that period, liberty – liberty from school work, from exams, and from the disgusting and killing smell of tobacco. I know I don’t have any guts to tell those smokers at school to stop smoking in the student lounge. There are those fourth year students kasi na nag-ssmoke. Haay! 1 sem to go and you are all gone! Haha! I’m gonna try and make sure that, even though I’ll not be an officer of the Student Council by then, smoking and those alumni that uses the facility of the PH students lounge (they smoke din kasi, pasimuno pa nga ata!) will be BANNED to enter the lounge! Anyway, what I really thrills me when sembreak is nearing is the guitar thingy. Also, another thing that thrills me is the fact that when sembreak is there, I’m gonna feel proud that I finished a sem of majors. Another thing is that after so many months, makakauwi na rin ako sa bahay namin sa probinsya. I really miss that place, especially the mouth-watering isaw that I usually buy sa kanto. I hope that isaw stand is still there.

* * *

Lately, most of my friends are feeling down because of the stress brought about by our very toxic school. Deep inside, I really wanted to help them, but I don’t know how. Mahirap magbigay ng advice lalo na pa gang tingin sayo ng iba e parang, quoting Maek, “henyo… perpekto… walang pagkakamali…” Pero I really want to. I felt helpless and depressed at times when my friends are. I feel so stupid for not being able to help them cope with the toxicity of our majors or, at the very least, cheer them up. Having a chat with a friend a while ago using YM!, that certain friend somewhat indirectly told me that I shouldn’t be depressed, just because my friends are. That friend told me that “listening to all his nonsense” helped. But I think, I wasn’t able to. (If ever you’re reading this or my blog, sorry for posting these stuff here, should ask permission first before putting anything here that might be confidential or something) I wasn’t able to help any of my friends by just listening to them. Like when I was in a friend this afternoon at the MRT (or did she tell us that while still at school). She was telling me about her plans of dropping a subject at school. Well, I wasn’t able to tell her any useful advice. I don’t know how to persuade people to do something that they themselves do not want to do. Guys, I don’t want to see all of you giving up on something. I know and I believe that you can do it. You can make it! Seeing you lose your hopes make me feel worse that what you actually feel. When you feel that way, I sometimes think that I am not a friend. I should help you, but I can’t. Yeah, I sound pathetic, pero yun ako e. I just don’t want my friends hurt or sad.

"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself."

I hope that with this quote, I can be a friend to you. But I still hope to be able to give you good advices, advices that can help and make you feel a bit better.

-ryan- fell asleep @ 9:57 PM