Sunday, June 19, 2005

Upon execution of the Vulsalva Maneuver, I wondered, “What will happen to me tomorrow? Or the day after that? Or the week after that? Or the year after that?” Then the answer came all of a sudden after proper execution of the Maneuver (proper execution because I did not choke --- to death), “I do not know!”

“I don’t know!” That’s all there is to it. I don’t know what will happen to me tomorrow. Will I be able to perform proper laboratory procedures tomorrow? Will I be able to listen carefully and take down all the important notes there is? Will my lunch be as delicious as what I have had this day? Will I be able to go home safely tomorrow?

Or the day after that. Will I be able to identify my unknown microorganism? Will I be able to pass that requirement?

Or the week or year after that. Will I be able to pass my exams? Will I be able to wear my uniform and not mess it up? Will I be able to manage and juggle my works with the SC and my studies?

I don’t even know what will happen to me after I graduate from college.

Surprising! Yes! I do not know what will happen to me after I graduate from college. I have had plans of entering a Med school after college, specifically UP College of Medicine. That is my plan, though I am not sure if it will be pursued or not. Part of my plan is, “Kung hindi UP, wag na lang.”

Who knows what will happen on the following days?

Will I be irritated by those people who think they’re all that and then manifest those emotions and feelings?

Will I be able to survive one day without talking?

Will I be able to do the jobs assigned by the SC?

Will I find my one true love?

Who knows? Only GOD knows.

* * *

I’ve been daydreaming lately, and well, I find my future to be exciting and fun and happy. But seeing as whom I am today, “I don’t know.” Those daydreaming fantasies are ideal, something that is possible but hard to get.

But it’s not bad when you have some idea of your future. This will serve as a guide to what you want to happen with your future. But the road to that future will be twice as hard and n times as excruciating. Exaggerating, but somewhat true.

Being able to enter UP-CM is hard. NMAT pa lang, delikado na. Why? Because up to now, I haven’t started reviewing yet. I’m sure to have a good percentile with the NMAT, but maybe that grade is not enough to satisfy the requirements for UP-CM. To be able to satisfy that requirement and mine as well, I have to work double with my subjects now, and I also have to study as hard as I can to get high grades and a good standing.

This is just one of my goals in life that I want to fulfill. There are so many more, and writing them here will make it seem trivial, because it really is trivial, important to me but to some, not that much. Will I be able to?

“I don’t know.”

-ryan- fell asleep @ 5:23 PM