Monday, January 17, 2005
Just this afternoon, while on my way home, I heard three guys talking. I can’t remember what they said, because I was too busy looking at the road to see whether I have to say ‘para’ already. I somehow got the point of their conversation. There was this guy at school who I think have to do something. I don’t remember what that something is, but I think it was something physical such as carrying something, or returning the ball in volleyball. Whatever it is, one of the guy said “Mas malakas pa ung pagbalik nung mga babae.” Then I heard the other guy reply, “Bading ata e.”

Bading, gay, badingger-z, jokla, bakla. Names referring to the third sex. A gender that some people accept open-mindedly. However, there are still some that treat them as outcasts, something to be disgusted of. Should they really be?

No!

I am no gay. I am not writing this entry because I despise those who think that gay people should be banned. I am writing this because I am disappointed to see and hear people humiliate gay people. Again, I am no gay.

I am no holy person. I admit, I laugh at those cross-dressers, I laugh at transvestites. I laugh because I think the clothes and make-up that they use don’t suit those people. When I laugh at them, I still consider who they are – they are people, people like all of us, people who have feelings. Now that I think about it, I wanna say sorry to all those people whom I and my friends laughed at, to those cross-dressers.

I am no gay.

But why do people sometimes ask, “Bading ba siya?”

When people ask this to me, I say no. When people ask this from a first degree friend (Uy! Friendster!), I tell my friend/s to tell that person who asked that “No! I am no gay.”

How do people measure the manliness of a person? That is what I think about when people ask the question on whether I or some other people gay.

Some people think that a real man is one who is no longer a virgin at the age of 16 or something. A real man is someone who doesn’t cry. A real man is someone who doesn’t have all girls as company. A real man is someone who fights back by physical means when taunted or humiliated or hurt. A real man is someone who loves basketball, and some other “manly” stuff, such as having Playboy and FHM magazines.

For me, those are all bullshit! Those immature, closed-minded, selfish, insensitive people who think this way must all die.

I am no gay. I don’t say those words because I am a gay. I don’t say those words because I want to protect those who are member of the federacion. I only want people to be open-minded, to also think about other people, to be mature enough to handle things like this. I only want people to uphold equality in all walks of life.

Actually, a real man can be measured, for me by the way he handles things and problems gentlemanly. A real man cries. A real man is someone who respects a woman. A real man is someone who is amiable will all sort of people. A real man is someone who thinks first before acting. A real man doesn’t have to love basketball or other “manly” stuff, they can love anything.

There is this one incident that I recalled just now that happened to me when I was, I think, in Grade V. A girl, a seatmate, asked me, “Pag sinabi ko sayo na halikan mo ko, hahalikan mo ba ako?” I nodded. No. She then said, “Bakla ka ata e. Si _______ hahalikan ako pag sinabi ko. Dapat ang sagot mo, ‘Oo, hahalikan kita.’” Should I have kissed her to prove that I am a boy? (I felt bad.)

NO! Now I feel good, because now that I am mature enough to think of what is what and which is which, I know now that my reply back then when I was a boy is right. A real man is someone who respects a woman, someone who doesn’t use a woman to satisfy his physical and sexual needs.

Another incident occurred to me when I was in 1^st and 2^nd year HS. I actually do not know what happened. All I know is that I most of the time cry because of disappointments and problems. I do cry. But, I somehow heard (paranoid!) some people saying that “Bading ata yan e. Umiiyak.” Does being a man deprive him of crying? Again, NO! Real men do cry. Crying does not divide men from women. Crying does not prove any fact that that man who is crying is gay. Crying is ones way of expressing what he feels inside. Crying is not a way to measure a man.

There is this other incident that I want to share. This involves my family and relatives. Once a year, we get together for a family reunion. Once there, I usually sit somewhere and not talk to anyone, unless they talk to me. My relatives and cousins arrive soon and sit somewhere near me. They talk to and I talk to them. But then, there are these relatives who said that I should go with the guys in the family and drink some beer, not be with girls and talk. I will not deny that my parents also think and say these things. Actually, they (my parents) ask me who my friends and barkada are in school. May lalake ka bang kasama? Baka puros babae kasama mo? I told them: when I was in high school, may lalake (and they will reply, baka bakla yan. I replied no.), when in college, wala pong lalake, puro babae. They will then ask, baka naman bakla ka. NO! Hindi! Pag ba babae kasama mo, ibig sabihin nab a nun e bakla ka. They can’t find any words to say because I am right. Being with girls as company doesn’t imply that you are a gay. Being with girls doesn’t dictate your gender. Being with girls doesn’t state who you are. From then on, they don’t ask me about this anymore. They know that I am no gay.

Now that what I want to say about how NOT to measure a man is clear, let us think about how men are to be measured.

Self-explanatory words: gentleman (in some sense), handles problems and issues calmly and coolly. Only two characteristics, yet, not all man, as they call themselves, acquire these.

I am no gay. For those people who think I am, DIE! For those who don’t, you are all my real and true friends. And I thank God for all of you.

-ryan- fell asleep @ 8:45 PM